Category Archives: How Not to Succeed in Business

3 Great Ways to Get Sued for Discrimination

(Humor, via The Hired Guns)

Now that you’re a big, important manager, you’ll probably be called on to interview job candidates. Despite what the experts in Human Resources and Legal say (cough — who cares — cough), the whole issue of what constitutes legal and illegal lines of questioning is blown waayyy out of proportion. Some people are just too uptight.

Nonetheless, here are a few things you might want to say to reassure job candidates that you’re “in sync” with HR and Legal on those touchy topics:

4 Great Ways to Fail as a New Manager

(Humor, via The Hired Guns)

Hurray. The evil production manager you used to report to just got fired. Everyone on your team is happy. Even better: you’re the new production manager. Woo-hoo!

Here’s what you should do to ensure that you will fail:

How to Avoid Thinking Strategically

(Humor, via The Hired Guns)

As a manager, you may occasionally be asked to “think strategically.” That means to consider issues that have a broad impact on the company, such as long-term revenue opportunities, more efficient competition in a changing marketplace, and securing job offers from other companies before everyone at your company realizes you’re clueless.

Unfortunately, “thinking strategically” requires time, effort, and precious brain power that could be better spent on fantasy baseball. Here are five ways to avoid it:

Hiring 101: Resume Red Flags and How to Overlook Them

(Humor, via The Hired Guns)

In between the time that you become a manager and the time you get fired, you may be asked to replace a worker who has quit in disgust. This is an excellent opportunity to showcase your skills in hiring by disregarding resume-screening “best practices” and instead “thinking outside of the box.”

Although this frequently results in hiring serial killers, occasionally you will end up hiring unique, relatively harmless individuals who shake up the status quo and whose body odor is hardly even a distraction.

Consider these tips for going through resumes:

Hiring 101: How Not to Read a Cover Letter

(Humor, via The Hired Guns)

There is one key rule in management: never hire anyone desperate or stupid enough to work for someone like you. Unfortunately, at some point in your management career you may need to replace an employee who was smart enough to quit.

If and when this happens, you will probably come across something known as a “resume” and its useless cousin, the “cover letter.”

5 Ways to Show Your Boss That You’re Smarter Than Him

(Humor, via The Hired Guns)

Most bosses suffer from the delusion that they are smart. Perhaps they feel that their years of industry experience and managing people somehow give them special “knowledge” that others don’t possess. As the hot new manager with the MBA, it’s your job to set him straight.

Here are five tips for doing it right: